Wednesday, June 19, 2013

5am Catch Up

It's been awhile. And I think that's ok. There just hasn't been much worth sharing.
I think I finally am ok with my job. It still varies by the hour, but I've had more "ok" hours than "omg I hate this place" hours. So I think this is good.

My mother is JUST NOW commenting on my facebook posts. Oh you know, 6months later, she finally feels it's ok to talk. She still hasn't called me. I wouldn't answer it if she did. Her texts now include "I love you" but I just shake my head. She hasn't said that in about 10yrs. I do send her civil texts like, "thank you for the flowers" or "happy mothers day". I don't see why I need to be the adult and just call her out on completely ignoring the fact my husband caught her cheating. I used to want to sit both parents and counselors down and just let me go off. It sounds appealing to get everything off my chest, but honestly, the anger is just too exhausting.

My father was the good parent, trying to keep things positive for my siblings. My mother has fallen off the parent-wagon, but not my dad. Until recently. I know he's hanging out with some chick (at least was, not sure now) but I've made it clear that I do not want to know anything, not even the fact she exists. Not yet. Back to my dad, he's finally gaining weight. When my dad used to be on his old meds, weight loss would likely cause a seizure. This new medicine he's on has been amazing. He got scarily skinny, but I knew my paternal grandmother was watching him and trying to force as much food as possible. So we're all relieved he's finally getting his weight back and clothes fit again. He looks more alive.

However, my parents both are taking a sebatical from parenting. My brother is 12yo, just entering middle school, and has hit tween crisis. He's always been the emo child. But this is ridiculous. On the days he DID go to school, he'd spend all day in the counselor's office. But he was always at home, sending me screen shots of video games. Yeah, that's a GREAT alternative to school. So my mother took him out of the normal middle school and enrolled him in alternative school. Where 99% of students are drug users, dealers, pregnant, etc. Supposedly he LOVES this school. Then he blantanly skipped. He got an Instagram account and has been raving about not doing anything, and listening to music all day. It got bad enough where my uncle (who's daughter is same age, & Instagram buds with my bro), said enough. My brother isn't allowed at their house because my mother isn't making good decisions.

My mother's been leaving my siblings with family and doing her own little thing. Not okay by me. If you're responsible enough to have the kids, and file for divorce, be responsible with them on the days you actually have them. I had to inform my dad of my brother's actions. He had NO clue. I think that was an eye opener for him. I chewed my brother out for staying in the bedroom on the computer, than to come out with everyone for my dad's birthday. He refused because we're not a family. I told him we were here, and that is what family is. I made him think about how awful my dad has to feel, having his birthday alone for the first time in 28yrs. Ugh, my brother pisses me off. I've made it clear to both my husband and my father, that if we weren't half packed up, or were in a new house, I would willingly take my brother for the summer. He wouldn't have internet until we were there, do chores, be outside, wash his effing hair, and learn to have human face-to-face interaction. I personally think it should say something when the oldest daughter is offering to be the parent when the actual parents aren't doing their job.

Moving on from that...

The past couple months we been selling our house. It was sold for a hot minute until the Buyer's bank told him 2wks before closing, that he wasn't approved after all. Thank you Hapo. I get to walk past Hapo's home mortgage every single day. Hapo owns the building I work in. I have to pass home mortage to leave the building or use the bathroom. Nice huh?

Anyways, it's wearing on my husband and I. It's been 3 solid months of not knowing where we'll be in a month. But it's helped us keep our summer open.

Just been a very busy, dramatic, infuriating, emotional, sad, tear-flowing, disappointing few months. I just want a new change to start fresh. Not have a care. All we can do is focus on ourselves and have fun that day.

And now it's 6am, and time to hit the shower. Maybe by the end of summer, I'll have more to share about.